WestCoast101

I met…

…this girl tonight; her 29ht bday; “youngen ;)”. I can smell her perfume on my hands.

Little pleasures…

I so often...

... question what i post, print, write... because of you, because i am concerned you won't understand. But now i write for me. If you don't understand... s'ok. i am... and i am freak... now we're off the hook ;)

reply: I am a passionate writer, but...

,,,don’t assume too much. I write when I need to. This is all new to me. I write to express how confused I am, but this is not how I feel; daily. I am secure and happy; happier than I’ve ever been. I cry everyday now, but each time I am happier. lucky lucky...

---

From: Talal Agha [mailto:agacan777@yahoo.ca]
Sent: Thursday, March 31, 2005 1:08 AM
To: Solman@Umbrela. Com
Subject: Love u more

I read yr web and I am crying, I feel guilty, I want to be with u, I want to hug u and kiss till I die.

I cannot continue I will come back when I am not so emotional.

Where is the magic?

Where is the magic?

Where has it gone?

I thought it was hiding,

But it’s been gone so long.

Is this true,

Obsessive and worked,

Labors of love,

Tilled in ash of last love.

Tilled in ash of last love,

Long last,

Longer the deeper,

Then bang like a wall.

Lavaliving,

Lavalost,

Match.ME,

Match me.

Match me to the heat and thump,

The grind. Grind it fine,

That line,

Between what is lust and lost.

Is it better to burn bright,

be blind by beauty,

or blind in feeble darkness of

expectation?

It is what it is.

Almost back to…

…100%, and only a week later! Lucky, lucky…

My mind is healing. My body is healing. The world looks much simpler than I remember. I was able to do a light yoga session yesterday. I still can’t lift my right arm over my head, but it gains ground everyday.

CBC radio; always thinking. Today’s question:

How are people, those whom are ill, dealing with a given choice (through drugs and procedures) to live either a shorter richer life, or to live a longer, less fulfilling one?

I have a phone again.

Anger...

...subsiding. lol.

I wrote that it was like breaking a glass…

…but it wasn’t. It wasn’t an accident. I’ve gone through it in my mind; over and over. This was meant to happen. This had to happen. People keep telling me to “listen” and “learn”. All I can think is to learn from this; to share it. But when I hear it from others, “learn” and “listen”, with that hint of headiness, I try to suppress the rage; to identify it; to listen to it.

Feelings of loneliness have subsided.

OH!

Right, lonely, beacuse I have no phone. Oversight. Ah. Normalizing. :)

Normalizing...

So the meeting went well…

…and I’m glad I kept my head together. I was ready to shoot myself in the foot. They gave enough to do for the next week or two. They are finally getting organized. I guess I don’t really dislike IT. The idea of working with technology is fine. Maybe I need to be more selective about my clients. Good. Need to relax a little. Drop the shoulders. Breath. Slow my heart. I’ll get there. Still shaking a little…

I need some affection. I need some help. Life is best enjoyed with others; in numbers. Lately, I’ve been as lonely as I am alone. That was not true before. Being alone and being lonely were not the same things.

I wonder what is coming and if I am ready. Either way… ;)

Lucky 1705.