“Sober in October” could have more aptly been named “Getting Sober in October”; almost there. I hope to make this an annual event. I find it interesting that within my own context, I find it not just useful, but essential to take one month a year to… center. My own personal Ramadan.
I used to fast during Ramadan. I did it from the ages of 12 to 25. This was challenging as a) I live in North America b) it is not easy and c) no one in my family joined; I was effectively “alone”. The most valuable thing I have ever done for myself is fast; truly a gift. Now I fast again, but this is not a fast of food or drink, not a fast for Islam or God. It is a fast hope and forthrightness; of introverted honesty and analysis. I wish to gift myself again; to grow.
So where have I been? Vancouver, sure… but that’s just a part of the story.
I had been rather involved in my job. Work was just starting to get interesting. I started to feel like I belonged and that the challenge was real and dynamic. Well, that feeling is gone. Not just that, but I am again discouraged with the current state of affaires such that the company I work for owns bars; bars sell alcohol; bars sell sex. So, for all intensive purposes, I am as much a dealer and pimp as I am a .NET developer. This view is extreme and non-representative of the complete entity, I agree, but against a backdrop of Iraq and US elections and poverty and despair and mainly who I am and who I want to be… sigh… it’s not them, it’s me.
The next few months will present a number of interesting challenges and imperative decisions. October, November, December… then what… beats the f&*k out of me; Sober in October and 30 in February. What the hell? Is life slipping by? I really can’t tell. Priorities are elusive.
Something feels wrong. On a mission to fix it… ;)
