…that passes, my needs change. Moreover, my wants change. The only constant has been the yoga. I have fallen helplessly in love with yoga – with its strength and its caress. I love it as much as it loves me. And there is still so much to learn.
I wish to love a woman with a similar sincerity and integrity – with such compromise, trust, and respect.
Yes… I am a little lonely these days. C’est la vie.
I’ve tired to share my enthusiasm and maybe a little of what I’ve learned, but few on the “outside” want to hear it. It is a sad for me to think that the success of one is compared against, or accentuates, the failure of another.
I finally accept this in the world.
The other day, while shopping for groceries, my cell phone rang. This was, in my opinion, rather normal. The call was from one of the few friends I have here in Vancouver. We discussed our plans for the coming evening. She then described the unfortunate events of the previous evening. A common friend had been injured while horsing around. She had to get three stitches. During this conversation a girl looked at me with a sort of disgust. I let my mind fall off the conversation to try and review what had been described on my part. Had I been offensive? Was I overtly loud or obnoxious? I couldn’t figure it out. The girl in store mumbles something to my face to the tune of “You fuckin’ selfish asshole!” I ended my conversation.
ME: “Ok… what?”
GIRL: “Why are you talking on the phone?”
ME: “So that the person who called me has someone to talk to.”
GIRL: “I don’t want to hear your conversation. You are polluting my shopping experience with your phone and such. You knew you were shopping. You should have turned your phone off. Where do you get off?!”
ME: “What?”
GIRL: “I bet you were a better person before you had a cell phone.”
ME: “(to the now classified FREAK) Wow. I think, and only for your own benefit, that you might want to reassess the way you see certain things… goodbye.”
So why tell this story? For the first time, being in this type of situation, I didn’t try to defend myself. I didn’t challenge her. I didn’t feel any anger or angst. I calmly accepted her opinion as her own, and clearly in contrast to mine, without the desire to “fix”, “clarify”, or “equalize” the discussion or context. I felt or feel a little closer to the tree that sways in the wind, without falling or breaking.
Two days earlier, before overcoming a few personal challenges, I may have tried to confront and dispute her obnoxious theory of urban cell phone etiquette. WHEN IN ROME SWEET HEART! Oops… lost a branch. S’ok… ;)
I have to not be offended by the offensive. The person harboring the prejudice is often more likely to be at a disadvantage than the one to whom the prejudice is targeted.
I tried not to despise her. It was better. It was beautiful.
[First drafted offline at 5:12pm on January 5th, 2004]
As the world turns…
…I turn with it. My writer’s block and mild depression are over. I blamed the booze, but I know that it’s not the booze. It is that I needed something to do… something positive. And with that, I watched Big Fish (Tim Burton), and offered my services for free to the Templeton. I told the owner that I would build his site for free. I asked him to help me secure myself in this city. He smiled and insisted that he would do his best. That was enough for me. I am thusly trying to build a name for myself in Vancouver, in much the same way that I get anything in my life… from the bottom up. It is lucky I climb fast.
[First drafted offline at 5:00pm on January 5th, 2004]
