My family...

...cannot communicate. They hurt me often. They don't see it. I have tried to tell them, but they only get defensive. My mother can't keep her stories straight; my father believes that he never has to apologize to his children and that our respect is presumed (under ALLAH); my sister see the world through her eyes (plural of I) only. I want this to stop. I want to try ONE LAST TIME, using technology, to fix US. I sent them this:

We cannot, as individuals, or as a family, communicate verbally without losing the required context.

If you are in favor of rectifying these behavioral problems, please do the following exercises and send your replies to me.

Please do the following and send your reply to me.

Exercise 1:
I am no better than anyone else in this family True False
I am not perfect. True False
I can forgive others. True False
I can forgive myself. True False
I can admit when I am wrong. True False
I can compromise. True False

Exercise 2:
Make a list of ten points, pro and con, that best describes yourself. Repeat for the other members of this family.

Exercise 3:
Describe, in detail, what your current aspirations and/or fears might be. What is your current desired direction in life?

I humbly state that this is my last attempt at trying to fix us… else, I guess, we’re all ok to disappear out of each others lives. I hope you all reply.

Comments

[Brent]

Be careful buddy. This email, although well intentioned, screams of judgement, unilateral demands, self righteousness, and ultimatum. Not exactly the tools of negotiation, psychiatry, diplomacy, theology, friendship, or love.

[Soli]

Yeah... in retrospect, you are correct. I wrote that in an Advilian and Tylonic rage-haze right after a throbbing vertebral fight with the old man. It was really a reaction to him telling me that he “must and should never apologize” to his kin for any of his actions, EVER AND UNDER GOD… this bent me. I was out of line in writing and sending that email. It was based on the premise that I wanted to “change” my family; to make them whole. I had to ask myself at some point… what am I really trying to accomplish? With that question, I realized that the answer is… irrelevant. I cannot do anything but be true to myself.

This all stems from my expectations of my family added to the ability they have to hurt me… I reacted by behaving disgracefully and out of character (at least in my opinion). I should have known better. I will not disappoint myself again… and I will not disappoint them... I will accept them for who they are and leave my expectations of family at the door from now on :)

Thanks for the critical insight, buddy!