101

West Coast 101...

WestCoast101
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I miss...

...Montreal today.

ATSs...

...or Advanced Transport Systems. I hope this works out.

Undigested emotions

I was watching AI, the movie, and the concept of "undigested grief", or undigested emotion was introduced. Over the last two weeks, I have repeatedly broken down into tears, and with no apparent trigger. I don’t understand why. I wonder if my back, which had not stopped hurting for the last 11 days (and counting), has something to do with this. Perhaps, I am in a weakened state (i.e. exhausted) and my ability to suppress these "undigested emotional fragments" (which seem homeless) has been suspended.

Agent Smithson

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/pingpong.php

WestCoast101

Please please please give me the discipline to keep this one updated while I am on the road... please.

I will... WestCoast101.

There is...

...a deep sadness in my heart today.

"Haram and goodbye..."

lahna naleh inaleh sona naso dili lidi nali lina sodi diso sana sodi... di... dee... d... delicious... :(

I will never forget.

I can stand...

...up again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope to never take standing for granted ever again... EVER AGAIN!!!!!

That was amazing. What an experience... I lay in bed for 3 days straight.

From now on:

CORE MUSCLES BACK MUSCLES and STRETCHING -- EVERYDAY EVERYDAY EVERYDAY EVERYDAY EVERYDAY EVERYDAY EVERYDAY EVERYDAY EVERYDAY EVERYDAY EVERYDAY EVERYDAY !!!!!

This is how I choose to pay homage...

I WILL never take MY BODY for granted ever again... EVER AGAIN!!!!!

PS: I would like to offer kudos to Concordia Sports Medicine because they listened to me and did not medicate my problem with various pills, but instead showed me how to stretch and ice. Thank you.

My family...

...cannot communicate. They hurt me often. They don't see it. I have tried to tell them, but they only get defensive. My mother can't keep her stories straight; my father believes that he never has to apologize to his children and that our respect is presumed (under ALLAH); my sister see the world through her eyes (plural of I) only. I want this to stop. I want to try ONE LAST TIME, using technology, to fix US. I sent them this:

We cannot, as individuals, or as a family, communicate verbally without losing the required context.

If you are in favor of rectifying these behavioral problems, please do the following exercises and send your replies to me.

Please do the following and send your reply to me.

Exercise 1:
I am no better than anyone else in this family True False
I am not perfect. True False
I can forgive others. True False
I can forgive myself. True False
I can admit when I am wrong. True False
I can compromise. True False

Exercise 2:
Make a list of ten points, pro and con, that best describes yourself. Repeat for the other members of this family.

Exercise 3:
Describe, in detail, what your current aspirations and/or fears might be. What is your current desired direction in life?

I humbly state that this is my last attempt at trying to fix us… else, I guess, we’re all ok to disappear out of each others lives. I hope you all reply.

I have been in bed...

...since Friday night. The pain has not lessened; my patience has.

So there was no quick fix..

...for me today. No crack. I have to stretch and stop working on my PC and it will crack on its own. Gonna read... what gets your mind off SEARING PAIN!

Useless Flesh

The 6 Advil and 4 Tylenol just kicked in and I am once again reduced to a heap of useless flesh. Oh, how humbling is the SEARING PAIN! How humbling it is when it hurts to type; to raise my arms; to sit; to exist.

The culprit? I remember it being my forth or fifth vertebrae. For some reason I cannot explain, I cannot seem to do the shrug (exercise for the trapezius [: a large flat triangular superficial muscle of each side of the upper back]) without occasionally… twisting the vertebrae. Image your spine like this ||||||||. What happens to me is this |||\||||. I need to crack the vertebrae back into place. My 4:00pm appointment at the physiotherapist should get this accomplished. It should cost $55. I have this thing when it comes to paying for the reduction of pain and suffering. Not that I mind paying for it, it’s just that, well, what if I didn’t have the coin? I could never let someone suffer knowing that I could help them. When I used to smoke, my cigarettes were always everybody’s cigarettes because no should have to suffer without, at least, not unless we all did.

Throb… throb… throb… it is so taxing. HUMBLE PIE!!!! Take a moment, as you read this, to acknowledge that there is no SEARING PAIN in your body and THANK “the powers that be (a.k.a. G.O.D.)” fort that simple pleasure/honor/grace. This is the second time this happens to me. This is the LAST TIME. I will either a) never do a shrug again or b) learn about the back.

I’ll need a book.

I can't...

...seem to lay off the coffee for more than a day at a time. I think I need to change a number of habits, and not just the one. I think I should also learn to appreciate moderation more for what it is.

Sometimes success can mean having one coffee instead of three... or moreover, to learn to cut my losses.

My accountant...

...has just done my taxes and 80% of what I’ve saved is going UNKLE. FRICKFRAC TABER...!

I hate potholes even more today.

Guerrilla News Network (GNN)

I saw these guys at Concordia U this week. Nice job... please check it out at GNN.

Maybe one day...

...my father will wake up. We might never get to be friends. I have hope for my mother. My sister, my sister, my sister... on vera. I think I might go to Nepal before I leave my current...

Main Entry: 1cur·rent
Pronunciation: 'k&r-&nt, 'k&-r&nt
Function: adjective
Date: 14th century
1 a archaic : RUNNING, FLOWING b (1) : presently elapsing (2) : occurring in or existing at the present time (3) : most recent
2 : used as a medium of exchange
3 : generally accepted, used, practiced, or prevalent at the moment

Main Entry: 2current
Function: noun
Date: 14th century
1 a : the part of a fluid body (as air or water) moving continuously in a certain direction b : the swiftest part of a stream c : a tidal or nontidal movement of lake or ocean water d : flow marked by force or strength
2 a : a tendency or course of events that is usually the result of an interplay of forces b : a prevailing mood : STRAIN
3 : a flow of electric charge; also : the rate of such flow
synonym see TENDENCY

My head hurts...

...but I had a good time tonight. I feel grounded. Things are starting to take shape. I am opened... good times.

Day whatever...

...and whatever. C'est fini... I am bored with the idea... as I write this, my sister lights a cig right behind me... and it becomes less boring.

SOB.

Everyday... I will... I am...

I have a plan to make "WakeLists". Every morning, wake up and read a list.

List of what? Whatever... whatever needs to happen that day... or everyday. I imagine this list will change almost everyday. I need a white board.

Medicating...

...by overreacting. Why does this tendency still exist?

ROHWER, Arkansas (AP) -- A cypress root harvested from an Arkansas swamp 60 years ago is one of the few mementoes Star Trek actor George Takei has from his childhood at a World War II internment camp.

The gnarled knee reminds him of a part of his past he had revisited only in his mind -- until this week.

As he traveled Sunday through this remote stretch of southeast Arkansas farmland, where he and more than 8,500 other Japanese-Americans lived during the war, Takei spoke of finding resilience in beauty.

Takei, who portrayed Hikaru Sulu in the original Star Trek series and in six Star Trek movies, was four when he, his parents and two younger siblings were ordered from their Los Angeles home and taken by railroad under armed guard to Arkansas after Pearl Harbor.

Day 8…

…and all is well? Not really. I am missing my “friend” Mr. GoldBox Benson&Hedges Special Light King Size. I am over the physical dependency (at least for the most part) and am only now starting to feel the void. I have changed very little in terms of eliminating obvious triggers. My time at the PC hasn’t changed. The car thing remains the same (i.e. smoking and driving). Bars are bars are bars. School is school. I will… I am… I am... I am missing my “friend” Mr. RedBox Gauloises Blonde Legeres. C'est la vie... on continue...

My entire family smokes… or smoked. I live with them right now in what is called the West Island of Montreal (a.k.a. a healthy bachelors nightmare); a suburb. My parents have quit. They are on day three. This has obviously made the last three days much easier; power in numbers they say. My sister insists she will join us in the coming weeks. I hope she does.